Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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