I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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