Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
