I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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