It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
