am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
