but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
