Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
