Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize