You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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