What did we do last night that was yellow?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
