Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
