Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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