i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
