my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
