if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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