My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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