I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
