So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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