i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
