I think I died a long time ago.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
