well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
