Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
