i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
