I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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