It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This house was built for laser tag.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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