coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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