She said her name was "party"
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
