Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
