I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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