why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
