I can text with my tongue
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
