Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
