that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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