This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
