I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
