ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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