bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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