remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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