Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
