Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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