Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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