ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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