im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize