We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
