i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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