there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
