I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
