I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize