she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
