whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize