note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
