Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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