Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
