I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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