i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
