i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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