that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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