Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This girl is more easily done than said...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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