dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
