Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
