the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
