People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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