Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize