I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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