Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
