ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
