i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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