i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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