3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
