You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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