the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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