I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
